Who needs the sun when one can have 5 straight days of rain? Why would anyone want to sit by the pool, wiping sweat from her brow while she reads a book and drinks an ice cold beer when she could spend the day inside, cleaning cat hair off the furniture and updating her [...]
Conversations with a friend during a recent shopping excursion:
“What do you think this is?”
“It’s either a vest or some kind of shawl.”
Holding it up to the light and studying it – “What do you wear under it?”
“I guess you could wear a tank top or a tee shirt – well, except it’s kind of short…hmm, [...]
Having recently switching from a PC to a Mac (possibly because of those commercials with the cute Mac guy and the not-very-cute PC guy), I’ve decided I love my Mac. I love it so much, I wish I could take it out for a drink or, perhaps, a moderately expensive dinner.
My question is – why [...]
How many dishes can I cram into the dishwasher at one time so that I don’t have to handwash anything? Answer: Everything, if one tries hard enough.
How many times can I turn on the dryer before I actually have to fold the clothes? Answer: 3 – on a particularly lazy day, [...]
Sitting on the porch, listening to three young girls, approximately 7-9 years old, playing outside:
Little Girl 1: “Okay. I’m the president and you are the security. We’re at the White House and you have to walk around and make sure there are no bad guys here.”
Little Girl 2: “But I want to be the president!”
LG [...]
1. Drop a large bottle of olive oil on the garage floor in the middle of a snowstorm. You should also not decide to clean it up later and then walk mindlessly through the garage on the way to your car. You will slip and fall and your neighbor, who is walking by with his [...]
Dear Canada:
I’m tired of your cold weather. Please take it back because it doesn’t belong this far south.
Sincerely,
Paige
Dear Chicago:
I’m sorry I complained so much about your winter weather. It’s way better than the Canadian weather that has taken root here over the last few days. In fact, I miss your balmy 20-degree days. Please come [...]
I wonder if spammers make New Year’s resolutions? I wonder this because my spam comments, on all my websites, has increased dramatically since the first of the year. So far, they seem to be doing well on their goal to make life a little less enjoyable for all of us. Good for you, spammers and [...]
This time of year, I start my annual journey into the world of lotion. I liken it to an Aboriginal Walkabout, a rite of passage for anyone living in a cold climate: how many lotions will I try before I find one that: a) conquers flaky skin, b) doesn’t have the consistency of wallpaper paste, [...]
I hope you enjoy your free iPhone. I also hope a giant hairy mole grows on the end of your nose and that you visit a doctor to remove it and the doctor tells you that he would also have to remove your entire nose to get rid of it and then you have to [...]